Volume 4, Issue 4 - November 2004
Bunny Resolutions
As the year-end draws near, many of you may be thinking about your New Year’s resolutions. Your bunnies, too, would like to turn over a new leaf. (Well, maybe!) They have asked me to publish their resolutions.
- As much as I love my brother, I will not demonstrate this affection in front of my human’s grandchildren.
- I am a five-pound rabbit. Nail trimming should not take two days, two humans and two tranquilizers (for them) to accomplish this task.
- I will accept the traditional meaning of “NO!” and quit trying to redefine it.
- I will not escape from my cage in the middle of the night and hide out under the bed with my cousins, the dust bunnies.
- I will not lie down on my side with my eyes half open and imitate a dead rabbit.
- I will not eat my cecals when everyone is gathered for Thanksgiving dinner.
- I will not rush at my human and growl when she tries to pick up my food bowl. She is trying to fill it, not STEAL it.
- Being brushed to prevent hairballs is a good thing. I will not struggle and grunt to be released.
- I will not scare people who ring the doorbell by sitting in the foyer window, pretending I’m not real, and then stand up and groom myself.
- My philosophy will not be “what’s yours is MINE and what’s mine is ALL MINE!”
- I will not remove all the litter from my litter box every time my human refills it.
- I will not render opinions about my human’s reading material by pooping on it.
- Eating the keyboard cable is not the proper way to turn off the computer, even if the screen saver annoys me.
- I will not artistically scallop library books.
- I am an herbivore. I will remember that leather couches, the dog’s food, TV remote control buttons, and shoelaces are not in my food pyramid.
- I will not steal the newspaper while my human is reading it.
- I will remember that not everything in the house is mine just because I chinned it.
- I really don’t belong on top of the chest of drawers.
- I will not jump up on the chair and steal bananas from my human’s breakfast cereal.
- I will not carry all my toys to the top of my condo and then drop them at 3:00 a.m.
- I will not chase the cat even when he walks through MY house.
- I will not try to escape from the kitchen by digging a hole through the linoleum. I have been trying for three years, and I haven’t made any headway yet.
- I will not do that irresistible bunny beg when my human is eating popcorn. She can’t say no, and popcorn is not good for me.
- I will not step on the dog to get on the couch. I can get up just fine on my own.
- I will not pounce on napping cats.
- I will not push my mate off the couch so that I can get all the loving.
- I will not steal bananas from any bunn who doesn’t eat as fast as I do.
- I will not try to practice interspecies genetics.
- I will not tease the other caged bunnies while I am running free.
- I will not launch myself onto the coffee table and knock my human’s drink onto the floor.
Expect your bunnies to keep their resolutions about as well as humans do! These habits and personality traits are the things that make our bunnies so endearing and unique. Watching their playful antics truly enriches our lives.
